


Memory

by silentlullabye



Series: As Much Series [4]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Always Has Room For One More, Angst, Drama, Future Fic, Gardens & Gardening, Hurt/Comfort, Just a Smidgeon Really, M/M, Moving On, Really Convincing Conversations, Sexual Content, The Heart, Unresolved Sexual Tension, with a resolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:10:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentlullabye/pseuds/silentlullabye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Tony wants him back, he is going to have to fight a memory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on ff.net September 2010.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was gardening.

It was a Saturday morning, around eleven, and he was on his knees in the dirt. He was planting new flowers in the bed in the backyard. Lilies for Kelly. Daises for Shannon. He was being extremely careful not to unearth Kelly and Maddie’s time capsule, but the knowledge of its presence gave him comfort.

There was a radio sitting on the back porch playing a medley of hits from time passed. Classic rock, country, and a few more modern hits. Gibbs would hum along if he knew the tune, nodding his head with the music. He couldn’t kneel in one position for long, though, because his knees loudly protested. Each time they did, Gibbs reflected on his getting older.

It could have been any number of reasons why he didn’t hear the car pull into the driveway.

But it wasn’t until his visitor was standing not ten feet from him that he finally looked up.

“Didn’t know you gardened.” Tony was smiling. It wasn’t the same smile that Gibbs knew and loved, but it would do.

“Gotta do somethin’ to pass the time.” He stuck his trowel into the soil so it stuck, and turned around, sitting on the edge of the bricked off flower bed.

There was an uncomfortable silence for several seconds before Tony couldn’t stand it and had to talk. Gibbs wasn’t surprised. He was Tony. He was always talking.

“I hope I’m not bothering you or anything.” He stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets. 

“Nope.” Gibbs slipped off his gloves and laid them to his left. He gazed at Tony intently waiting for him to explain what he was doing here.

“So… Do we go inside and talk or… do I stand here feeling slightly idiotic while you glare daggers at me?” Tony gave him a sheepish smile and took a step towards the backdoor.

“You’re the one who came to my house, DiNozzo.”

“Yeah. So… inside?” Gibbs sighed, and nodded. He left his tools where they were and led the way to the door. Tony followed. 

Once they were settled at Gibbs’ kitchen table, Gibbs at one end, Tony at the other, each with a glass of iced tea in front of them, Tony began in a typical Tony fashion. “So you’re a tea drinker now, huh.”

Gibbs glared at him over the rim of his glass as he took a sip.

“Right, sorry.”

Silence.

“DiNozzo?”

Tony’s head snapped up from where he was staring at his glass. “Yeah, Boss.” And he stopped. Wow. He had just slipped back into that like it was nothing. He found it odd how, even after all these years, he still thought of Gibbs like he did his very first day on the job. El Bossman.

“I mean… Okay, look. The truth is –”

“Does Mark know you’re here?”

Tony looked at Gibbs, and Gibbs was staring at him. It was his usual see-into-your-soul glare.

“Yes.”

“And he’s okay with it?”

Tony wished he saw jealousy on Gibbs face, but either Gibbs was really over him or really good at pretending. “We broke up.”

“Oh.” What was that there? A little twinge of the green-eyed monster on the corner of Gibbs’ mouth?

“He told me to come.”

“Oh.” Surprise. Or as close to surprise as Gibbs’ face could ever get. “Why?”

Gibbs’ fingers wrapped around the base of his glass, tapping against the side. Tony squirmed in his seat. He had had this conversation a million times. He knew exactly what he would say for them to get back together. But now Gibbs was ruining his plan.

“Because he knew I still loved you. And I do, Jethro. I lied at the award ceremony. I never stopped loving you. Even after you basically threw me out. Even after you crushed my heart into a million tiny pieces. You are a complete bastard on so many levels but I love you anyways. And that’s why I’m here. To fight for you. To get you back. Personally I would love to see you grovel on your knees for me to take you back, but I know you’ll never do that. So I’ll have to settle for plan B.”

Tony took a second to let the words sink in.

But Gibbs had other ideas.

“Do you know what I was planting out there?” He gestured to the back yard. Tony shook his head, not really following where this conversation was going.

“Daises and lilies. For Shannon and Kelly.” Tony sighed heavily. And they were back on that.

**.**

_Wash  
My soiled memory in its muddy stream  
With your tongue’s tip lick me clean  
And remove every single trace  
Of what has been  
Of what binds me  
Of what comes to pass  
Alas_

**.**

“Gibbs, they’re dead.”

Gibbs looked up at him angrily. “I know!”

“I always respected the place they held in your heart. Always! But you have got to move forward! If you keep living this life the way you’re living it you’re going to die a lonely, bitter old man. I don’t want that. I want to grow old with you. Fulfill the cliché of sitting on the front porch in rocking chairs, no doubt ones you made by hand, with you. But I can’t do that because you won’t let me in. You won’t let them go. They came between us once, Jethro! Don’t let it happen again.”

Gibbs was extraordinarily frustrated both with Tony, for interrupting his quiet, guilt-ridden existence, but also with himself, for taking so damn long to imagine a future with Tony. To attempt to foresee what their future could look like.

And for the first time Gibbs could see.

**.**

_Stalk  
Hunt her down for within me she fights  
And when you have her in your sights  
Do not heed her pleas and cries  
You know  
That she has to die  
This is her second demise  
And so  
Kill her  
Again_

**.**

He remembered the good times before things fell apart, and they told a story of what could continue happening in the future.

Waking up together on Saturday mornings, lazing the day away until one of them decided it was time to get up and do something.

Ordering take-out and sitting in the living room in front of the TV (50 inch flatscreen, or else Tony would get pissed.). 

Eating steak and beer on Gibbs’ lumpy couch. 

Tony’s head lying in Gibbs’ lap, Gibbs’ hand softly stroking his hair. 

Bodies twisting, covered in sweat, Tony’s tight hole around his dick, warmth spreading, Tony crying out in release, clutching at each other as if they would break.

**.**

_Weep  
I’ve done that before, all in vain  
More sobs just wet the pillow again  
Despite my tries  
Despite my tries  
I have  
A dried up heart  
And swollen eyes  
I have  
A dried up heart  
And swollen eyes_

**.**

Gibbs came back to reality to find Tony staring at him intently.

“We were good. We were so good.” It was as if Tony had read his mind. “We could be so good again.” He stretched an arm across the table, brushing the back of Gibbs’ hand. When he didn’t pull away, Tony wrapped his fingers around the wrist. His thumb stroked the callused skin of the palm.

Gibbs gazed at him, the anger gone. Now, and he tried to stop it, he looked almost frail, afraid.

“I can’t, Tony.”

“Yes, you can.”

“They’re in here,” he pointed to his head, “always. And I don’t want them to leave.” Tony stopped stroking, stood, and moved around the table to Gibbs’ side. Gibbs looked up at him. It was a look Tony knew no one had ever seen before. No one except Gibbs himself, in the mirror.

“They won’t leave. They’ll just move aside, so I can join them in your heart.”

“You already are.”

Gibbs stood, wanting to be on even ground with Tony, who he believed had seen quite enough of his vulnerable side today.

“What?”

“You’re already in here, Tony.” He gestured to his chest.

Tony nodded.

“But Tony, it didn’t work before. It won’t work now. We have the same issues.”

And Tony’s face fell. He nodded in a grudging acceptance. He had hoped that his words had finally sunk into Gibbs’ head. That he had gotten through. Apparently not.

“So I’m just wasting my time, then.” Gibbs looked at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“Right. Well, then.” He sniffed. But he refused to shed another tear over this man. “I guess I’ll be going.” He quickly made his way into the living room, and then to the foyer by the front door.

**.**

_So burn  
Burn when you sink into my bed of ice  
It melts when you hug me like a vice  
There’s no more sorrow  
No more gravity  
If I have  
Your body like a flow  
Of lava washing over me_

**.**

But before he could reach for the doorknob he felt a hand wrap around his wrist, pulling him back into a very solid chest. Gibbs held him loosely. 

“I wasn’t finished. We have the same issues, but…”

He pressed further against Tony, and leaned to whisper in his ear. 

“I’m willing to give it a try.”

Tony turned quickly on his heel and smashed his lips against Gibbs’. Gibbs, with just as much force, kissed him back.

Gibbs’ hands were in Tony’s hair, and Tony’s hands were roaming up underneath Gibbs’ shirt, tracing the muscles under the warm skin.

Gibbs pushed Tony until his back hit the wall by the door, and they were a sea of movements. Arms, Gibbs’ leg pressing between Tony’s. Mouths, tongues, hands.

Shirts were being tugged over heads, fingers clutched at belt buckles.

And maybe, just maybe, it might be okay.

**.**

_My soiled memory in its muddy stream  
Wash  
Wash  
My soiled memory in its muddy stream  
Wash_

**.**

**Author's Note:**

> **  
>  Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of Donald P. Bellisario, Don McGill, and CBS.   
>  **
> 
> ** Disclaimer: Les Chansons d’Amour is the property of Christophe Honoré. **
> 
> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> The lyrics used here are actually from a French song translated to English. The song is called Ma Memoire Sale. It is from the French film _Les Chansons d’Amour_. It's a wonderful film and it used to be on youtube although I'm not sure if it still is. For the interested, here are the lyrics in French:
> 
>  
> 
> _Lave  
>  Ma mémoire sale dans son fleuve de boue  
> Du bout de ta langue nettoie-moi partout  
> Et ne laisse pas la moindre trace  
> De tout ce qui me lie et qui me lasse  
> Hélas .._
> 
>  
> 
> _Chasse  
>  Traque-la en moi, ce n'est qu'en moi qu'elle vit  
> Et lorsque tu la tiendras au bout de ton fusil  
> N'écoute pas si elle t'implore  
> Tu sais qu'elle doit mourir d'une deuxième mort  
> Alors tue-la encore_
> 
>  
> 
> _Pleure  
>  Je l'ai fait avant toi et ça ne sert à rien  
> A quoi bon les sanglots, inonder les coussins  
> j'ai essayé, j'ai essayé  
> Mais j'ai le coeur sec et les yeux gonflés  
> Mais j'ai le coeur sec et les yeux gonflés  
> Alors..._
> 
>  
> 
> _Brûle  
>  Brûle quand tu t'enlises dans mon grand lit de glace  
> Mon lit comme une banquise qui fond quand tu m'enlaces  
> Plus rien n'est triste, plus rien n'est grave  
> Si j'ai Ton corps comme un torrent de Lave  
> Ma memoire sale dans un fleuve de boue_


End file.
